New Shopping List

On my first trip to the grocery store after Scott's death, I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to remember whether he preferred salad dressing or mayonnaise. You'd think, after 29 years, I wouldn't have to wonder, but it caused me pause every time. I remembered he had a strong preference, so it mattered, but I could never be sure which one he preferred.  Don't know why I always had that mental block, but I always had it.  That's when it hit me.  Why was I still trying to remember?  It didn't matter anymore.  The question now was, what do I prefer?  I immediately left the condiment aisle and bought unflavored yogurt.  That night I made my famous Parmesan Encrusted Chicken, only with yogurt instead of salad dressing.  And I loved it.

It's amazing how our "family of four, less one" has changed it's eating patterns since the loss.  Scott was our main cook, but he never liked to cook alone.  When we cooked together, we at least knew there would be two of us to enjoy the meal.  Even when it was something our picky son wouldn't eat, or when our socialite daughter was gone. . .having two of us to share the meal made the effort of cooking worth it.

I have only cooked a couple of meals in the 4 months since Scott died.  And both times, I ended up eating alone. . . with too many left-overs.  Fourteen years ago I had barriatric surgery, so I cannot eat a regular-sized meal, even still.  A normal-sized meal will last me 3 or 4 meals, at least.  And I get so tired of the same thing, that I often end up tossing out the last portion.  So I have taken to eating mostly salads and protein smoothies.  In fact, this is my typical shopping list now:

• bagged lettuce
• 1 tomato (or an onion, or a stalk of celery. . .whichever I may have finally ran out of)
• fruit (to cut up and freeze for smoothies)
• diet citrus green tea

It took me months to get to the point where I do NOT bring home 4-5 pounds of chicken breast, just out of habit.  I have no more freezer space, as it's full of chicken.  We haven't had any bread, eggs, or milk in our house for months now.  The good part is my grocery budget is no problem now. The kids buy their own food mostly now. I used to have to cut coupons and scour the sales ads to plan out how to make the grocery budget stretch.  Now it's totally different.

Everything is different. The trick is to look at the bright side and be happy.